This year, I had the privilege of going to two camps in Slovenia, one in Koper and one in Domžale. This is my second internship with Josiah Venture and my fourth year helping at camp, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. With English camps, there is a lot of planning involved, such as figuring out the evening, preparing themed parties, practicing the camp dance, organizing the games, and readying the overall camp program. What I did not expect was how my whole summer would be focused on trusting God outside the boxes I had put him in. Before the summer started, I prayed for the kids at camp to have open hearts and minds to think about Jesus in a different way. I wanted them to see Jesus the right way and not just because of what they had heard from others. What I didn’t realize is that the Lord was doing the same with my heart. Before I left for the summer, I really had a hard time trusting the Lord and his timing. Every rejection or “no” had felt like a slap in the face, not protection. I was trying to figure out what God was doing within the waiting.

During camp, I realized God was calling me to step outside of the box and to trust him in the waiting, no matter the outcome or what my feelings told me. God’s character never changes, and none of the trials we go through are without purpose. One of the talks I heard this year at camp was about being willing to step outside of our box in faith. It takes faith to trust God when our situations or feelings tell us otherwise. Before, my feelings had told me that God was not kind because of all the rejection and the times I had felt left out in my life—that God did not see me. He forgot about me, because how is he kind by making me wait? That God must be mad, and now I’m struggling to wait and be patient for him. At camp, I realized that God doesn’t feel that way. God cares deeply about me, and there’s always a good reason that we have to wait. My mom always says that God is never early or late but always on time. We can trust that he knows what is good for us, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes life hurts, and we can’t understand what God is doing within the hurt and chaos. Sometimes pain and hurt can give us a better perspective on a situation, or something we thought we wanted. This summer gave me a more realistic view of what ministry looks like in Slovenia: lonely, hard, discouraging at times, but so worth it.

This internship showed me that sometimes thinking outside the box also means not being afraid to admit that missions aren’t for everyone, and it’s okay if that’s true for me. Not everyone is called to missions, and you don’t have to feel guilty that you aren’t. You just have to be faithful where God has placed you. Don’t let others make you feel guilty about your feelings or how you experience things; instead, take your feelings and experiences to God. One of my friends told me the most loving thing I could do for the church was to realize that God isn’t calling me to missions for longer than these four trips. Some opportunities are only for a season. There are people who keep serving in areas because they think they have to, but not because God has called them to, and they can hurt people. God has a purpose and a place for everyone. I’m so grateful I’ve had four summers to pour into students and to be used by God in Slovenia. I’m sad that this season has come to an end, but God has done so much not only in my heart but also in the hearts of Slovenes.

So, how are you taking your experiences and feelings to God? Are you letting your feelings dictate God’s character, or are you telling your feelings who God is?